Luxe Multi-Hyphenate

Ah, feedback—the word that can make hearts race faster than a bad Wi-Fi connection during a Zoom meeting. Whether you’re a manager, an employee, a parent, a spouse, or just someone trying to survive human interactions, feedback is everywhere. It’s in performance reviews, relationship discussions, and even from toddlers who brutally remind you that your cooking is “yucky.”

But here’s the thing: feedback isn’t inherently bad. It’s how we grow, improve, and (hopefully) avoid repeating the same mistakes. The real challenge? Learning to give and receive feedback without it turning into a soap opera. Let’s break it down.

Step 1: Assessing the Feedback

Not all feedback is created equal. Some are golden nuggets of wisdom; others… well, let’s just say they belong in the “thanks, but no thanks” pile.

Ask yourself:

• Who is giving the feedback? If it’s someone with experience, expertise, or a genuine care for your well-being, it’s worth considering. If it’s your uncle who still thinks dial-up internet is cutting-edge, maybe not.

• What’s the intent? Constructive feedback helps you improve, while destructive feedback just makes you feel bad. Learn to spot the difference.

• Does it align with your goals? If your boss suggests improving time management and you’re always missing deadlines, that’s worth applying. If your partner suggests you take up yodeling, well… that depends on your career aspirations.

Step 2: Navigating the Emotional Rollercoaster

Let’s be honest—feedback can sting. It’s like being told your outfit is “interesting” when you thought you nailed it. The key is not taking it personally.

• Pause before reacting – Your instinct might be to defend yourself, but take a breath. The difference between growth and grudges is often just a 10-second delay.

• Separate yourself from the feedback – A critique of your work is not a critique of your worth. Even Michelangelo probably got told to “wrap it up” while painting the Sistine Chapel.

• Look for patterns – One random comment? Meh. The same feedback from multiple sources? Maybe there’s something there.

Step 3: Giving Feedback Without Being the Villain

On the flip side, if you’re the one giving feedback, don’t make it feel like an ambush. There’s an art to delivering it so the other person actually listens instead of mentally drafting their resignation letter (or divorce papers).

• Use the “feedback sandwich” – Start with a positive, give the constructive part, end with encouragement. Example: “Your reports are always detailed! Maybe tightening up the conclusions would make them even stronger. But seriously, your work ethic is great.”

• Be specific – “You need to do better” is useless. “I noticed you missed two deadlines last month—what’s going on?” is way more helpful.

• Match the tone to the relationship – Talking to an employee? Keep it professional. Talking to a spouse? Maybe don’t use corporate jargon like, “I’d like to circle back on how you load the dishwasher.”

Step 4: Knowing When and How to Apply Feedback

Some feedback needs immediate action, some is worth revisiting later, and some belongs in the “smile and nod” category.

• Immediate action: If your manager says, “You need to be on time,” don’t wait until next quarter to set your alarm earlier.

• Revisit later: If a mentor suggests working on leadership skills, create a plan rather than forcing yourself into a power stance at the next meeting.

• Smile and nod: If your mom still insists you should have been a doctor, thank her for her input and continue living your life.

Final Thoughts: Feedback Is a Gift (Even When It Feels Like an Attack)

The trick to mastering feedback is seeing it for what it is: information. You decide what to do with it. Take what helps, leave what doesn’t, and for the love of all things peaceful, don’t use it as a weapon.

So next time you receive feedback, don’t panic. And next time you give feedback, don’t be a jerk. If we all get a little better at this, who knows?

What’s the best piece of feedback you’ve ever received, and how did it change you?

• Have you ever received feedback that stung at first but ended up being valuable? How did you handle it?

• How do you personally like to receive feedback—direct and to the point, or with a little cushioning?

• Have you ever given feedback that didn’t go as planned? What did you learn from the experience?

• What strategies help you not take feedback personally, especially when it’s unexpected?

• How do you balance knowing when to apply feedback and when to trust your own instincts?

Would love to hear your thoughts—drop them in the comments! Let’s navigate the feedback game together.